These Guns for Hire (2006) Anthology by J. A. Konrath

Author:J. A. Konrath [Konrath, J. A.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

BRIAN M. WIPRUD

BRIAN Wiprud, author of the exceptionally funny PIPSQUEAK, STUFFED and CROOKED lives in New York City with forty pet lemurs and a three-legged badger.

When pestered about his affection for hitman stories, Brian replied: “I have none, but I like stories about lemurs.” The following tale contains both hitmen and lemurs.

Visit Brian at www.Wiprud.com.

WHEN YOU’RE RIGHT, YOU’RE RIGHT

Brian M. Wiprud

FBI WIRE TRANSCRIPT 2849-A

Date: November 10, 1997

Time: 8:01 P.M.

Location: Turkey’s Nest Bar & Grill, Brooklyn

Participants: Jackie “Jackie Muscles” Napol, Anthony “Louie” DePorta

A: That’s fucked up, Jackie.

J: Fucked up is right.

A: (unintelligible. . .) a lemur?

J: I dunno, it’s like a monkey kinda thing, except it looks all cute, like a plush toy.

A: Where they from? Friggin’ Africa?

J: Hey, Suze, can I get some of them steamed muscles? What?

A: A lemur. Does it live in Africa?

J: Nah. Some place called Magalaska.

A: So did you do that thing? The lemur, I mean.

J: Hey, they tell me to do that thing to a friggin’ whale, I gotta do it, you know what I’m saying?

A: That’s the life.

J: The life.

A: Salud. . .(unintelligible). . .his girlfriend?

J: Like I said, the lemur belongs to this guy’s comare.

A: Yeah?

J: Yeah, like she sits around all day, watching the boob tube. She loves nature shows, watches the Discography Channel er whatever all day.

A: All day. . .that’s a lotta animals.

J: So this guy goes to visit his comare regular, you know, the way you do.

A: Didn’t that guy in Donnie Brasco, what’s his name, watch a lotta animal shows?

J: The movie? Yeah, I think. There’s a lion in that movie.

A: That’s right, and they surprise what’s his name with a Lion. This lemur: it big?

J: Big? Nah. Like this. It would sit on his girlfriend’s shoulder. Like I was sayin’, this guy visits her one day and she’s got this lemur thing.

A: Where’s she get the friggin’ thing? From Magalaska?

J: I dunno.

A: What the fuck? Why does he want you should do a piece of work on this animal?

J: His wife. When he gets home, he’s got lemur fuzz on him, and the thing has a smell. She’s like, where the fuck do you go at night? Can’t have that.

A: (unintelligible). . .lint brush.

J: Most guys, they don’t want their goombatta to have even a cat just ’causa the fuzz. A bird, yeah, maybe a little dog. Nothin’ with a lotta fuzz. But I think this guy really didn’t like how much time his girlfriend was spending with the lemur. She loved it like it’s her own son. So he decides it’s gotta go.

A: You mean the lemur?

J: Yeah. I gotta do a thing on Frankie.

A: Frankie?

J: That’s the name of the lemur. I get an apartment number over in Canarsie, and this guy is out with his comare so he knows she won’t be there.

A: Where’d they go?

J: Embers.

A: They were closer to Lugers in Canarsie.

J: Yeah, well, I think that was the point. He wanted to give me a good door of opportunity to take care of Frankie.

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